[tweet_dis]We must guard ourselves[/tweet_dis] against wrong relationships. I don’t like using the word “affair”, although that is what I am writing about. I don’t like the word “affair” because it sounds exotic… sort of mysterious and exciting. When truthfully an affair is ugly, sinful and degrading. I admit, at the beginning it can be satisfying on some emotional or superficial level… for a moment you feel important, you may feel attractive again, you feel the rush of excitement of something done in secret, however those things are temporary. It’s not long before you begin to experience the guilt, the lies, and the pain of tearing apart families. It will get very, very ugly. [tweet_dis]There is nothing pretty about an “affair”.[/tweet_dis]
As I have been considering the blog post by Mary DeMuth a few days ago I want to add a few of my own thoughts to the solid wisdom that Mary has provided. I hope you understand that Mary’s guidelines should be applied to all male/female relationships, extending beyond business relationships into our church relationships and other social male/female interactions. The guidelines or boundaries Mary discussed are not just for married folks. Whether you are married or single, there must be appropriate boundaries when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. If you are married, these boundaries should be discussed and followed through with as a couple. If single, I suggest you talk about this with someone who will hold you accountable if there is ever a question as to your motive and/or activities.
Boundaries should not only be physical, but emotional as well. This is because inappropriate relationships can occur on an emotional level long before or even without a sexual relationship. There is such a thing as an “emotional affair”. Who are you relying on for emotional support? Who do you want to share things with when you have news? Are you being deceptive with others about your relationship with this person? “Emotional affairs” are wrong. Period. Set boundaries from the outset to avoid this pitfall.
Prior to establishing your own boundaries, it is vital that you examine your heart. You can attempt to set and follow a set of boundaries, yet have the wrong outcome if your heart is not pure. An impure heart cannot be hidden; it eventually will show up somewhere, often in your eyes. I recall a time many years ago when I was trying to do the right thing when it came to relationships with the opposite sex, yet I was still struggling with an impure heart. I was confronted by a man with these words “your words are telling me no, but your eyes are telling me yes”. He was right. The outcome of that situation should be of no surprise to you.
How often have you met a married man or woman who just did not act married? They presented themselves as “available”. Some men and women convey this with their actions, some with their words, some by their dress, some by an attitude they portray, or maybe by some little something you cannot even put your finger on. This too is not being pure hearted.
I encourage you to start by looking at your own heart, and if you see anything but a pure heart, ask Father God to give you a completely pure heart. Repent (having a godly sorrow over your sin, that will lead you to a change in action and attitude) and ask Him to cleanse your heart and make you clean. Before you can successfully live within your boundaries, you must have a pure heart to build upon.
There is a wonderful prayer in Psalm 51:10-12 “[tweet_dis]Create in me a clean heart, O God[/tweet_dis], And renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit.” (New American Standard Bible).
You may want to listen to this song as you pray. The song is called “Create In Me A Clean Heart” by Keith Green. Click on the arrow on the audio play to begin playing the song.
Creative Commons photo on Flickr by Cayusa.