Sexual addiction can start in many ways. It can be as varied as the women themselves who become entangled with this horrible monster of addiction. I have heard numerous heartbreaking stories.
For some the open door was finding a Playboy magazine in their father’s bedroom. For another it was their brother’s stash of pornography in the barn. For other women it was being molested or raped as a child, and for others, it was finding pornography on the computer at a young innocent age.
Those are some of the real life experiences I have heard, and there are many more. Some, much more violent; others, more subtle. The enemy of our soul will take any open door he finds, even if it is open just a crack. He will push through it and swing it wide open to take advantage of any weakness in our lives that he can. He will take things meant for good and wonderful purposes in life, like sex, and he will pervert them into something ugly and twisted.
Addiction is often a way for addicts to try and stop some sort of pain that is in their soul. It may provide momentary numbing, but no solutions. They continue with desperate attempts. When addicts have been devastated in an area, like their sexuality, they tend to act out in that same area.
A horrific way for a door to be pushed open in a child’s life is through sexual abuse. Not all sex addicts have been abused sexually, but a high percentage have been. When I realized that a major cause of my sexual addiction was due to the fact that I was abused sexually as a child, it brought a release from some of the shame I was carrying. Not all of the shame, but some of it. That realization did not take away the responsibility of my actions as an adult. I was still totally responsible for my actions. However, I finally understood that there was a significant reason why I was bent toward this way of acting out. I had struggled with sexual issues since the time I was abused as a very young child. I understood where the door had been opened in my life.
For some of you, this may be similar to your experience and you may be having a moment of realization in your own mind right now. For others, you may be wondering what happened to you since you have this problem of sexual addiction, yet you never were sexually abused. You are not alone in that either. Take a look around in our society and we are truly being bombarded on every side by lies that tell us that sex is the answer to everything. Television, magazines, websites tell us it is not love and intimacy in relationships that is significant and fulfilling, but it is sex. Advertisements no longer even focus on their product, but most often, are selling the idea of sex appeal, how you will be a sexier person if you purchase their product. Somehow, the whole idea of sex has become an obsession in our society. The enemy of our souls is out to pervert God’s true beauty of sex between a husband and a wife in whatever way he can.
There are many ways that truth can be twisted into perversion in our lives. You might want to ask yourself some probing questions like:
Things that seem insignificant can often open doors to bigger lies and bigger perversions of the enemy. Soon you may find yourself in over your head. Whether you have just begun to open some of these doors in your life or whether you are in full blown addiction, it is time for some life changing decisions.
There are more ways that doors can be opened. I can’t tell you how many real life occurrences I have read about couples who agreed to allow pornography into their bedroom. Often, the husband pressures his wife into watching pornographic movies together to spice up their sex life (and it is not always the husband). Upon consent, things do get exciting, and for a short time their sex life is much improved. But soon it turns on them (as this is one of those open doors to the enemy). The atmosphere in the home gets ugly. Months later they are not getting along which can lead to separation, and even divorce. Story after story was almost identical. Again, something that seemed small and insignificant, something that seemed private to them, became large and unmanageable. They cracked the door, and the enemy of their souls took advantage and the door swung wide open.
I want to talk about another very common way the door gets crack open. I want to talk about masturbation. I am likely going to step on toes here. In conversations I have had, too many people are saying this is an acceptable practice; it is a guilty pleasure they are entitled to. However, it is not something you are entitled to; it is a perversion of God’s plan. Whether you are married or single, this is a huge problem… a woman and her vibrator! Outside of religious circles it is talked about quite commonly. However, in religious communities the opposite seems to be true. A woman would die of embarrassment before mentioning it. What would be wonderful to see are real conversations taking place about these issues of life that face people every day. Talked about with a sense of dignity from a Biblical perspective.
In the “world of addiction” this topic of masturbation is common conversation, but is not easy for me on this blog. I am addressing this subject because too many women excuse this behavior as harmless when it is actually opening the door to then enemy, opening the door to bigger things, it can be part of the sexual addiction and strengthens the addiction. Many women are not aware that this is an open door to the enemy.
For those of you who are determined that masturbation is NOT a sin and that it HAS to be ok, consider these thoughts. The first is that God created sex to be an expression of love and intimacy (along with the means for reproduction) between a husband and a wife. Secondly, consider the focus of your mind when you masturbate. Are your thoughts on things that are pure and acceptable to God?
You may think I am not for free expression of women and their sexuality. You may be surprised to find that I am very open to women being expressive in their sexuality. I simply believe that expressiveness needs to be toward their own husband.
Whether someone else forced a door open in your life through abuse, whether you willingly opened a door in your own life, or both, the fact is the door is now open. That door must be shut.
Unfortunately, there are not just 3 or 4 easy steps and the door is shut. I wish I could tell you it was that simple. I also wish I could tell you it is a quick process to freedom, but for most women, it is not. It depends on how long you have been entrenched in this addiction and how deeply you have been involved. It also depends on your determination to find freedom at any cost. Determination alone will not bring freedom, but determination along with making the right changes in your life can begin the process of closing the doors to this horrible monster of addiction and of bringing total freedom and healing to your life.
Before any true change can take place, you must first be honest with yourself and with God about your need for change.
You also need to consider your degree of willingness. If you are not yet willing, are you willing to be willing? Ask God to help you have a completely willing heart.
Do you have a repentant heart? Repentance is not just “I’m sorry I got caught”. It is a godly sorrow over your sin. It is a change of heart and mind that leads to a change in action and attitude. Simply being sorry for your sin does not cause change, but rather a genuine remorse that you have grieved a loving God. If you do not sense this true repentance within your heart, ask God to give you a repentant heart. He will answer your prayer.
Throughout this blog I will walk you through some vital steps of recovery, but there is no possible way for me to get all the necessary information on my blog, especially at this early stage. I encourage you to email me so I can get more detailed information to you. Also, please check out my links page. It lists some resources that provide a more thorough guide.
Attempting to close these open doors in your life strictly by means of self control, and as it is said in the world of addiction “white knuckling it”, will not work. But God’s way, with His strength, will lead to freedom.